Why do the best people get the shittiest lives?

Does anybody ever really understand this.. Not exactly. Or at least I’d like to think so. I think life is confusing and very shitty.. Lets say there is a god, if he loved us ALL like everyone who believes says he does, why does he let us hurt, why does he let us suffer? These questions will never get answered because nobody really honestly knows.

Life is always going to throw you some curve-balls, you can either face those balls or you can run from them. If you run from them, well that’s a shame, if you face them like everyone expects you to.. things could end badly or they could end very well for you. Depending on how bad or good the situation is, that is.

I don’t know what life has in store for me, but I’d like to assume it has splendid things set for me, but I highly doubt it.

All life has given me so far is hurt, losing loved ones, people walking away from me, and just shitty things. I don’t really think that’s a life at all, it’s not considered living if all you’re doing is being there for others. Never really allowing yourself to actually enjoy life. People can come to you for everything and anything but where are all these people who tell you they are there for you? Where are they when you NEED them? Nowhere to be seen because they expect you to be the STRONG one, cause that’s all you’ve ever been for them.. Strong..

Why am I always strong?

I can’t show weakness around people, never have and probably never will until I finally break.. but until that day ever comes, I’m going to be strong for everyone because that’s what everyone wants from me. Everyone wants me, the strong person, to be strong.

If I can’t be strong for myself, at least be strong for them right? Cause if they can’t be strong I’ve got to be strong for them. That’s how this shitty life of mine goes.

I’m not saying my entire life is filled with shit, because it’s not. It just seems like the shit overpowers the good. And I don’t like feeling like this, but how am I suppose to change how I feel? I don’t think I can to be honest.. I’ve tried, I’ve tried changing who I am and how I feel… But it never works… I can’t be what everyone wants me to be. I can’t be what everyone expects me to be..

I’d like to be, I just don’t know how to when I’m not happy with myself, when I’m not happy with the way I live my life. People say it’s so easy to change who and how you do things, but I think they are full of shit. You can’t just expect someone who has been doing everything on their own to up and change things. It’s completely impossible and stupid if you ask me. If you ask that of someone, you are full of shit.

It will never happen, at least not in a blink of an eye like everyone makes you feel it should happen.

If I could change things, would I?

I think I would, I wouldn’t change meeting him, or loving him, I’d change the way I did things in life and who I met cause I’ve met some pretty shitty people who have made me a pretty shitty person.

I’m just like ranting here and complaining about how bad my life is… cause I just need an escape and I think that escape is writing… If I can’t speak about how I feel I should at least write it down.

-Me

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